One day last week, while trying to decide if she needed a jacket, Lu hollered across the house, “Hey Dad, ask your phone what the weather is gonna be like today!”

Jason did not blink. He picked up his phone and said to it (without irony), “What will the weather be today?”

AND IT TOLD HIM. Oh, and when I tried to refresh his memory about this moment, he did not remember. Because he talks to his phone more than he talks to me. Only with clearer diction and more patience.

These are very modern problems we are dealing with.

I am going to train Milo to ask the iPhone to change his diaper, sketching the final dark scene in my semi-non-fictional play “Siri Poppins.”

Lucy, tossing herself on the ground with a harrumph, “THIS PLACE IS LIKE JAIL.”

This, after every other negotiation tactic and extortion technique on her part had failed. She had to face the cruel reality: finish your math project or Milo and Mom are going to the park without you.

The scratch of her colored pencil after she relented was positively murderous, but the kid finished. And we went to the park.

Big news: Milo peed on the potty this morning (as in “in” the potty, not like the time when he stood to the side of the commode and peed on it).

Oh, but he crapped in the bath last night. That was fun.