From her bathroom: “Ew.”
Me, calling from my bedroom: “What, Lu?”
Lu: “Nothing.”
Me: “Why did you say ‘ew’?”
Lu: “Something smells like butt.”
Me: “What is it?”
Lu: “My butt.”
Me: “What does it smell like?”
Lu: “Butt.”
Me: “Do you need help with something?”
Lu: “No.”

All the Halloween candy is causing some new behavior problems. Like sneaking around. Lying. Total denial in the face of an accusation. The kind of behavior you expect from, I don’t know, AN ADDICT?

On Friday, I told her she could not have any more candy before school, and mere minutes later, I found her closing the pantry drawer. She spun around with her hands in the air and this look of forced innocence. When asked WHAT she was doing, she said, “Nothing,” which was not easy given that she had two pieces of candy in her mouth. I made her spit them out, then said, “You disobeyed me, so now you’re going to get a what?” She wailed, “A CONSEQUENCE.” Her consequence: no more candy for the rest of the day. She flailed around the house telling me she did not love me or like me and I was not her friend. Which I am not.

I settled the Princess vs. Doctor debate by ordering, er…I mean…sewing, myself, by hand, a doctor costume. Lucy wore it proudly on Halloween. She raked in lots of candy trick-or-treating and had a great time at the Websters’ Lamer Tamer Halloween party (tame, but definitely not lame).

Who was lame? Me. No costume this year, breaking a streak of office costume party wins and near-wins. To echo my lameness, my boss dressed up as ME. Strange and funny.

See more Halloween pics here.